The Turkey Recipe

So, I have quality control issues. I inherited them from my mother. It's hard to explain, so just believe me: I have to make the turkey at Thanksgiving. It is vital. I have to make it because I couldn't stand it if someone made it badly, or worse, if they somehow managed to make it as well as or better than I. ;)

Nope, I'm not going to beat around the bush: this year's turkey was an astounding success. And I'm not even shy about saying so. I don't have the cash to buy some heritage breed, fresh, free-range bird (currently $75 for 12 lbs in my area), but that is the only thing that separated this bird from Martha Stewart goodness. It was beautiful and golden and crisp-skinned and juicy and buttery and perfect. I have tried several turkey recipes over the years, and the one I found this year is the one that I'm sticking with.

So with no further ado, I shall now share my turkey cookin' secrets. You too can be a Thanksgiving superstar. Just promise me you won't ever try to cook one for me, okay? Because I have to do it myself!

I use the Universal Brine Recipe from Cook's Illustrated (source here) and all accompanying directions.

This year that meant I brined our 17-pound bird in a solution that was 1/4 cup + 2 tablespoons Morton Kosher(ing) Salt and 1/2 cup sugar to every quart of water. The instructions say 1 hour per pound not to exceed 8 hours, but I went for 10 hours because I didn't want to get up super early.

Pat the bird dry with paper towels and let it air-dry in the fridge for a few hours (the instructions say overnight, but I didn't have that kind of time).

Next, slather it with butter. I was running low on butter so I mixed in some olive oil. I choose not to stuff the turkey because it lengthens out the roasting time and I want to cook the bird until it is done, not until it is dry just for the sake of the veggies.

Roast as you normally would (more details at that link above). This year I roasted it breast-side down for 2/3 of the cooking time before flipping it over.

While the turkey roasted, I put the turkey neck and giblets with two whole onions (skin and all - onion skin gives your broth a nice color) and 1-2 tablespoons each of parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme in a pot of water (maybe 2 quarts or so) and boiled the daylights out of them. This made a lovely broth and, with the pan drippings and some flour, a savory and mouthwatering gravy.

When the turkey is done, give it some time to rest before you carve it. This is supposed to allow the juices to set. It also allows you time to make your gravy and panic about the state of your kitchen before the guests arrive. Keep a cool head - if you turn off the lights, between candlelight and the glow of your pristine turkey, no one will notice that they're eating off of paper plates.